Am I For Real?

Recently, I was asked an interesting question. The inquiry came from a friend of a friend. The question was, "Are you for real?" I thought that to be an odd question at first. After all, I feel like I've bore my heart and soul out in my blogs. This question happened to come from another mother of a Down Syndrome girl older than my own. I guess she may have thought I had dealt with Victoria and her "issues" better than she expected I would. I was a little surprised to know that someone actually thought I had done well emotionally through the past few months when, at times, I felt like I was falling apart.

I openly admit that I have cried more and harder in the past few months than I think I have in my entire life. I openly admit that my brain has been on major overload more than I thought I could handle. I have seen the verge of insanity and I think in my heart that the Lord kept me from falling over the edge.

Nothing is harder than feeling out of control. That is exactly where my life has been. Even last night after going to church for a morning AND night service for the first time with Victoria, I felt majorly stressed out last night. And, after having a very stressful day, I was only to be awakened three or four times during the night by a screaming 1 1/2-year-old who couldn't find her pacifiers in her bed (Okay ... I really don't know what is worse ... a child who sucks fingers or one who is addicted to pacifiers!).

Life is really trying at times right now with three young girls. I just know that I pray a lot and ask God to help me bear through it. I've learned that God isn't just there during the "bright spots" in our life, but He's there during the most difficult times. As times are challenging in the day-to-day living, I have to think back on all the Lord has done for us in the past few months. I have to say, "Okay, Lord. If you can save my child from death, surely You can keep me sane each day with the pressures I encounter." I have to trust that God will give me what I need when I need it.

I'm thankful for a Father who holds me in His hand and reminds me that He loves me. He reminds me that He has me exactly where He wants me ... caring for my beautiful gifts from Him. What a privilege that He thought I could handle all He has placed on my plate. I just take each day as it comes and praise Him for helping me through it. I know eventually, as my girls grow, that things will get easier in some ways and harder in others. It's a cycle that continues. But, I'm sure as they grow, I'll think back to these days and almost wish they were here again!