Grieving Again

Today was a special day. We went to the Messick's for a birthday lunch. This week Mark's dad and brother are both celebrating their birthdays.

Elyssa LOVED getting to play with her cousin Maddy. Maddy is 5-years-old and Elyssa is 3. Natalie is almost 2, and just follows them around, most of the time doing her own thing.


We were also able to spend time with Mark's brother's new baby. Her name is Mary Katherine. She is now around 3-months-old, I believe. She is a healthy and growing little girl. I was able to hold her and she is quite strong. I'm so use to holding a "floppy" baby that I was surprised at her muscle strength. She stood on my legs really well (with me holding her up) and could almost sit up on her own (and will probably be doing that soon!). I thought she was so strong for her age.

I know this probably sounds weird, but I actually felt myself grieving inside for Victoria. I felt sad that she cannot stand with as much strength as Mary Katherine. It will probably be some time before she can sit up, also. Her lower back is still somewhat weak. I know that she will eventually be able to do these things, but it is just taking longer than I thought it would.

I catch myself really being amazed at how much I took for granted with my other two girls. Every stage of their development came so naturally. They moved from one thing to the other without any help from me. Now, I have to think about everything. I have to help Victoria do sit-ups so she can strengthen her "core." I have to make sure she has enough time on her tummy so she can strengthen her arms, lower back and neck. I have to make sure she is getting enough time in her exersaucer (I have to pad the seat with towels around her hips for support) so she can learn how to steady her back, neck, and leg muscles. It's a never-ending job.

There is much stress surrounding a life that involves continuous therapy (physical, occupational and vision therapies). The person having to give the therapy feels so much pressure to put in enough time with the "patient." They know that the development of the patient depends on the time they spend with them. So, you can imagine when things are crazy around the house with the other girls, I have tremendous guilt trips about not getting in enough time with Victoria.

Unfortunately, I have moments of grieving from time-to-time when I see other babies her age or younger excelling in things that Victoria struggles with. I've heard that this is a normal process that parents of special-needs children might go through.

In saying all of this, please know that we continue to covet your prayers for her to continue to gain strength in her body. We KNOW that she is such a blessing to our lives and we only want the best for her. We want her to be healthy, strong and smart. And, we believe in a God that can bless her with all of these things. We know that God is sovereign and He placed Victoria in our lives to constantly remind us of His miracle-working power. He's already worked so many miracles in her life and we continue to pray for more miracles to take place in her muscles as we are on this adventure in "therapy-land."