Doctor, Doctor

Today has been a more encouraging day. When we arrived at the hospital, Victoria's cardiologist here at UAB (Robb Romp) was doing a heart echo. Once he was done, we sat down and talked with him. He let us know that Victoria was stable during the night, which was a huge relief. He said that he was seeing a large space in the middle of the heart where the septum should be. We've known this for some time, so it was no surprise. He also saw the mitral valve and bi-cuspid valve defects. We've also been informed of this for some time. He talked through the surgical procedure to repair the defects. He was hopeful and seemed positive. He did say that there was concern with one of her valves when it came to leakage, even after the surgery is done. The surgeons are being made aware of this so they can pay special attention to that particular valve when operating.

We also met with her physician, Dr. Toms. He said they were treating Victoria with antibiotics just in case there was any infection. They have done several cultures, which they will not have results of until another day or so, to tell if there is, in fact, infection. Regardless, she is being treated as if she does have some infection, even if there is none.

At this point, they are trying to "tune her up" for surgery. Dr. Toms seems hopeful that she will have surgery on Tuesday at some point. Of course, this could change depending on if a more severe case comes in that needs more immediate attention over her case. Hopefully, that will not happen and she can get her repair done on Tuesday.

Mark and I will be taking a few pictures of her tonight to put up on the blog so you can see what she looks like. We feel it's very important for you to see where she is and how she is looking these days. If you are like me, you'll be alarmed at the tubes and wires you see. And, if you are like me ... you might cry. But, I'm thankful for those little arm holes on the sides of her bed that allow me to rub her little arms and legs and touch her sweet face. We can talk to her through those holes and Mark even sang "Daddy Loves Victoria" to her today. It was sweet.

Thanks again for all of your prayers. We cannot begin to tell you how much they mean to us.

Helpless

Last night when we arrived at UAB, when went to see Victoria in her unit. They had tried to start weening her off of some of the oxygen. Mark noticed when we actually first walked in to see Victoria that her oxygen level was in the upper 60's. Mark mentioned that her level was low and the nurse agreed and increased it. At Women and Children's Hospital, they wanted her oxygen level to be kept in the 80's. Her doctor arrived and updated us on her condition. He explained that they were in the "weening process" and Heather and I noticed that he turned down her oxygen support to 21%. About two minutes later, Victoria started breathing very quickly and the alarms started to sound. Several nurses and the doctor quickly surrounded her to address Victoria's problem. I saw the doctor and male nurse use their stethascope to listen for her heart beating. I could see them shake their head "no" a few times, which I was pretty sure meant that there was no heart beat. I could be wrong, but I felt pretty sure that is what was going on. The doctor increased her oxygen and did a few other things on the piece of machinery she was hooked up to and eventually, her color came back and she became stable. Mark and I prayed for her during this entire episode, but looked at each other with blank stares. I knew we were both thinking that this may be it. We may lose our little 8-week old baby right now. The doctor and nurse were so sorry that we had to witness those events.

Thankfully, we did not receive any calls overnight of her having any other episodes like that. We are praying that she remains stable. We are leaving now to get a little breakfast and will head over to the hospital.

Please pray today for little Victoria to remain stable. Pray the Lord gives Dr. Romp guidance concerning her case. Pray that the Lord does something amazing in her. Pray that the heart surgery is able to happen before the weekend.

We love you all and thank you for your prayers and support! You have been a true blessing to us and our family.

She's Leaving On A Jet Plane

As we drive to Birmingham tonight, our hearts feel so many mixed emotions. We feel so blessed that God saw fit for Victoria to have an appointment with the geneticist today and that of all people, the doctor’s resident noticed her coloring. If it weren’t for her insight, we wouldn’t have known that she needed any immediate attention. We feel blessed that our cardiologist’s office worked so quickly to get Victoria on oxygen and transported by ambulance to Women and Children’s Hospital for treatment to stabilize her. We feel blessed to be offered so much help from friends and family in so many amazing ways. We feel blessed that our little baby is on a jet to UAB to be cared for by some of the most skilled physicians and nurses in the country. Even in the midst of such an uncertain situation … we feel blessed.

At the same time we feel the blessings of God, we are sad at seeing our tiny little baby with tubes and wires hooked up to her beautiful body marring its appearance. It’s a breaking experience to see her helpless body lying limp in the baby unit being attended to by so many people. You know then that there is nothing that you are in control of, but it’s all in the hands of the Lord. That doesn’t mean that we don’t break down every time we see her in this state. It means that in the midst of our breakdowns, we receive an unexplainable comfort and peace from the Lord. We know there is nothing that we can physically do for her, but there is everything that the Lord can do for her. He is her ultimate Father looking over her and loving on her more than we ever could. As much as we want to protect and provide what she needs, Father God is her ultimate protector and provider. We are thankful for such a wonderful Father.

On a more detailed note …

Victoria arrived at UAB around 9:30pm tonight in stable condition. She is on a ventilator to relieve the stress on her heart. We will arrive there probably around midnight or a little later. Our wonderful Pastor Ed and Pastor Scott are accompanying us on our trip and we might possibly have family join us there. At this point we do not have definite information on her surgery arrangements. We’ve been told her surgery could be as soon as Thursday or Friday if she is stable enough for the procedure. If they feel she needs time to rest in her current stable condition a little longer, we would probably be looking at surgery on Monday or Tuesday. There are medications that can aid in keeping her stable if the surgery will be put off for a few days.

On a more personal note …

As a nursing mother, I had to use a manual pump for the first time during the trek to UAB. I had grabbed a blanket from the house before we pulled out for UAB, but not just any blanket. A friend of mine gave me blankets for all three of my girls not long ago. I took Victoria’s blanket from the shelf to use to cover me while I pump manually in the van. Her blanket has the following embroidered on it:

Victoria
“The Lord Is My Shepherd”

So, as I pump to provide nourishment for her, her name lays gently on both of my shoulders reminding me that the Lord is her shepherd. He will not lose this little sweet lamb named Victoria Jayne.

Victoria Flies To Birmingham

Today has been a whirlwind day to say the least.

Mark and I took Victoria to her appointment with a genetic doctor. While there, they noticed her coloring and called Victoria's cardiologist. We ended up taking her to the cardiologist office. Her oxygen level was very low and they could tell immediately by looking at her that she had deteriorated since her visit with them last week. They gave her oxygen and called an ambulance. She was taken to Women and Children's (they let me ride in the front seat of the ambulance while Mark drove the van over) and she is now in Pediatric ICU. She has been put on a ventilator, not for her lungs, but to relieve the work of the heart. They assured us that she had just been breathing so hard, that this would help her relax and help her heart out.

She will be put on a jet this afternoon around 6pm and flown up to UAB while Mark and I drive up. We do have to stay at the hospital to sign paperwork so we cannot leave the hospital any earlier. She will have surgery either tonight or first thing in the morning.

Please be in prayer for little Victoria. Pray that God blesses her and heals her.

We will give more information as we have it.

Surgery Date Set

Victoria's cardiologist office called today and let me know that her open-heart surgery is set for Friday, May 16th. I'm not sure the time yet. We will be leaving at some point on the 15th to travel up to Birmingham.

I will receive a call from the office in Birmingham with more information tomorrow. I believe they will be giving us information, also, about where we might find lodging while we are there. I'm not sure what our plans are right now, but pray that God guides our steps in that area. I know that we will probably just be sleeping at the location we choose and spending a lot of our time at the hospital, so we just need a place to lay our heads.

Begin praying for the pediatric cardiologist that will be looking over Victoria while at UAB. His name is Robb L. Romp. He will not be performing the surgery. Once I know the surgeon's name, I'll pass that along so prayers can be lifted up for him, also. Pray that God gives them wisdom in handling our little one.

I will send along more information as I have it. Thanks again for your prayers!

Prayer For Victoria

Since Victoria will be having her heart surgery this week or next, we decided to have our church family pray for her tonight. I showed up with Victoria right as the service began and we slipped in the back, Mark met me in the back after he baptised a few people (He's a pastor at our church.).

As Mark and I stood backstage with Victoria, my heart pounded and my hands shook. The stage I’d sung on for more than 10 years was frightening to me all of a sudden. It was because I knew I’d cry when I walked out and saw my sweet church family looking back at me and Mark. I knew I’d see faces of love and heartache, fear and faith … the same things that people saw when looking up at me up on that stage. I knew I’d be overcome and cry. I did. And, that’s okay

Our pastor prayed the sweetest prayer for Victoria. All of the pastors on staff at our church gathered around us to pray for her and for us. They all lifted us up to the throne of our Almighty God asking for His will in Victoria’s life. They prayed for healing in her heart and for the Lord to guide the hands of the surgeons while operating on her tiny body. Our pastor prayed for Mark and me knowing that letting Victoria go back for surgery would be so hard. It was such a sweet time with my church family, even though it was brief. After our time of prayer, I immediately left and brought Victoria back home.

As I drove home I wondered, what will the next few weeks be like? I envisioned what it might be like to see baby Victoria on a little hospital bed with tubes and gadgets hooked up to her before her surgery begins. My mind even thought about what her little body would go through during the surgery. Her now perfect little chest would be cut open, her sternum cut apart to reveal her tiny imperfect heart; a heart that is working so hard right now to help her just eat and sleep. I know she needs the surgery, but it’s still hard to think about what she will go through to get healthy.

And, then, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t feel fear about the “what if’s.” “What if” something goes wrong during the surgery? “What if” she doesn’t make it? I can’t imagine how I’d handle that. I know it’s been told to me that this is a “routine” surgery at UAB, but we all know that there are always risks with any kind of surgery … especially, open-heart surgery.

I wondered what she will look like after surgery. It will be equally hard to see her afterwards because my heart will ache that she has endured so much. After all, her mom and dad drove her to the hospital that would inflict so much pain on her body. But, we know that it’s for her good. We know that with this repair she will be much better.

I, again, learn something from my little one's life. God reminds me simply, that what seems so painful to me in this moment is for my good. The repair I need in my life and heart is being done and He is healing what I didn’t even know was broken. After this is all over, I’ll be much better, too.

No matter what happens in the next two weeks or the rest of my life … blessed be the name of the Lord!

Happy Anniversary

Today is a very special day! Mark and I are celebrating our 6-year anniversary!

I'm a bit in the doghouse this year! I totally forgot about our anniversary until yesterday!! I've been confined to the house with Victoria until her heart surgery, so unless I'm going to a doctor appointment or have my mom or Mark's parents come over (or Mark cover for me) so I can run to the store, there is no outside world for me. Also, since Victoria does not nurse well right now, I'm constantly pumping and cannot spend a lot of time away from my pump to shop, run errands, etc.

Mark is SO NOT in the doghouse this year!!! He remembered our anniversary and even surprised me with a sweet card and gift yesterday!! Talk about a good husband!

So, I decided to write a lot of nice things in my blog today about him, hoping he would forgive me for being so absent-minded this year! I guess we have had a lot going on the past month and my brain has been a bit scattered.

On the serious side, Mark has been such a wonderful support to me through such a hard time lately. He lets me vent and cry when I need to and he has cried with me. He loves little Victoria and his other two rays of sunshine, Elyssa and Natalie. I could not ask for a better husband or father to our children. He is a wonderful man of God and such a great provider to our family in many ways. I love how he loves my family and is so accepting of them and I love how he loves his family and always wants to make sure his parents know that we are so thankful for them.

So, today, I say a special and heart-felt "thank you" to the Lord for putting such a wonderful man in my life!

Mark Douglas Messick ... I love you! Happy Anniversary!

Surgery Is Here

Mark and I just got home from the Cardiologist and he feels it's time for Victoria to have her open-heart surgery. I asked him what time frame that we were looking at and he said that she could be having surgery by Wednesday of this coming week! So, if not this week ... it will be the next week. While we were in the office he called up to Birmingham and spoke to the doctor there and they both agreed that she is ready. She weighed 8 lbs 3 oz, so he was happy about that. He did say that he'd love for her to be 11 lbs for surgery, but he didn't feel like she would make that weight before she needed surgery. Her oxygen level was down today so that may have prompted this decision for surgery.

Mark was actually out of town (since Wednesday) at a conference and was to arrive back today at 5pm. He said he felt the Lord prompting him to leave early and try to make it to Victoria's appointment today. I'm SO glad that he did get to the doctor's office, even if he was late. I actually took my calendar today in case Dr. Mayer started mentioning dates for surgery. I guess God was preparing us both for the events of the day.

We will be receiving a call from Birmingham to set up the actual surgery date between now and Monday. Please pray for all the logistics and for me to get my house in order before we leave. My mom will be staying with the girls and will be having help from Mark's parents and probably others. Keep them in your prayers as they adjust their schedules to help us out.

Thank you for your prayers and please know that we appreciate your support and love. This will be, and has been, a very emotional experience, yet we cling to the Lord and trust Him in everything. We are asking God to be victorious in Victoria Jayne's life. After all, her name means "victorious victory." May God have the victory and may He receive all glory for what He does in her life!

PS - I will post the surgery information as soon as we have it.

Unconditional Love

On our second day in the hospital, my parents and Mark’s parents came to visit bringing our two other girls with them to see baby Victoria for the first time.

Natalie, being only 14 months old, could care less and had no idea the brevity of the moment of seeing her new baby sister for the first time. All she wanted to do is get into every piece of medical equipment in the room to see how many alarms she could set off!

However, Elyssa, our 2 ½ year-old, was so excited about this new baby that momma was holding. She climbed up into my hospital bed with a zing in her step because she could hardly wait to see this cute little bundle. She was curious about every part of her. She wanted to see her hands and feet and most of all, she wanted to hold her! She was already being such a great big sister!

On this day, little did Elyssa realize that I was still so emotional about the news of Victoria definitely having Downs and heart defects. She had no idea the mixed up feelings I had about the entire situation and how fearful I was about the new life that had been suddenly thrust upon me. My dreams of a “normal life” were gone. Everything had changed in a matter of moments.

As Elyssa sat in the bed with me looking on as I held Victoria, I could only think one thing: Elyssa doesn’t even care or have a clue that anything is wrong with this baby. It will probably be a long time before she or Natalie even realizes that she is “different.”

Elyssa was so carefree in showing her love to Victoria. She would rub Victoria’s newborn hair with her hand so gently. She kissed her head over and over and even began saying, “I love you, baby Victoria.” She hugged her and I actually let her hold her (with my help)! Never once in the middle of Elyssa observing her and loving on her did she say, “Momma, what is wrong with this baby?”

It was so moving for me to see her display of unconditional love and affection. It reminded me that in the midst of the grief I was feeling at the time, this is how I should be toward my new daughter. I should throw all caution to the wind and just be happy that she had arrived and was finally in my arms, Down’s and all. I was learning a lesson from an almost 3-year-old little girl who had a heart full of love.

I’m thankful that the Lord allows us to be humbled by our little children. I think I’ll spend the rest of my life learning from all three of my girls and I’m sure they will teach me a thing or two about life and love.

Daddy Loves Victoria

When Elyssa was born in July of 2005, Mark took up the role immediately of being a great dad. He loved to hold and take care of Elyssa just as much as I did (except those middle of the night feedings!!). Eventually, Mark came up with a little song that he just made up one day while probably changing her diaper. The words are as follows:

Daddy loves Elyssa
Daddy loves Elyssa
Daddy loves Elyssa
Loves her very much

As Elyssa grew and started speaking, Mark would sing the song to her and have her fill in the word “much” at the end of the song. This became a cute little ritual between the two of them and Elyssa loved to be loud when it was her turn to say “much.” For those of you who know her personally, you know she has a flair for the dramatic side!

Mark would sing the song to Elyssa and then he would also sing the song inserting “momma” instead of “Elyssa.” Elyssa came to expect this so when Mark would ask, “Who else do we sing this song to?”, Elyssa would say “momma.”

When Natalie came along in January of 2007, Mark started singing the song to her. He would still sing the song to Elyssa and then he would ask her at the end of the song, “Who’s next?” Elyssa would make sure he inserted Natalie’s name and then my name. This list grew to include MeeMaw, Paw Paw, Grandmother, Granddaddy and other family members and friends.

A very touching moment for me, that I happened to catch in the form of a photo (which is attached for you to see), was Mark singing this song to Victoria while we were in the hospital. As he held Victoria in front of him, he started singing …

Daddy loves Victoria
Daddy loves Victoria

By the next stanza, his singing had turned to a whisper …

Daddy loves Victoria
Loves her very much

By the end of the song, he and I were both crying. It was a very special moment and I’m so glad I have a picture to remind me of that moment.

I think now about how our Father sings over us. I can imagine His beautiful song to me:

Abba loves Heather
Abba loves Heather
Abba loves Heather
Loves her very much


“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17