The Longest Walk

We arrived at the hospital this morning around 6am. We were allowed in the RNICU unit with our parents. When we neared Victoria’s bed, we noticed they were doing some ultrasounds. After they were done and cleaned her off, they asked if I wanted to hold her. Of course, I wanted to! I could feel myself starting to cry before I even got her in my arms. As they held all her tubes and wires and got her ready for the transport to me, I just couldn’t help but cry because I knew this would be the last time I would hold her before her surgery. Oh what pain my heart felt. When she finally was placed in my arms, I started sobbing. I didn’t cry because I’m hopeless or have no faith. It’s because I know her poor little body is about to go through so much. The mother in me wants to protect her. But, I know the ultimate protection is allowing this operation that will bring healing to her body.

Mark held Victoria after I did. We both loved on her like never before. She is a sweet baby and so easy to love.

Our parents watched as Mark and I loved on our little bundle of joy. They cried as much as we did. I’m sure it’s hard to watch your own children go through such a difficult time with their own little baby. Their hearts broke for us.

Mike Cook came back with us in the unit and prayed over Victoria and over us. It was such a powerful prayer. Our spirits agreed with him in his prayer, lifting Victoria up in earnest.

After our prayer, the surgeon came over and talked us through the procedure. He was very detailed in all he said and explained it very well. We signed a consent paper so Victoria could be released into his care.

A few minutes later Mark handed Victoria over to our nurse to put into a little transport unit. We walked down the long hallways and finally came to the area where we had to say goodbye to baby Victoria. They opened her unit and we gently rubbed her arms, legs and chest. We told her that we loved her and that we were praying for her. We cried as we left her and turned into the waiting area.

We are at a point of surrender today. There is nothing we can do physically for her, although we wish we could. But, we can and will be lifting her up to our Heavenly Father. We love her so much and our heart aches for her this morning, but we know our Father loves her even more. We pray His angels watch over her and protect her. We pray that the Holy Spirit guides Dr. Knott-Craig as he gently repairs her heart. We pray that God gives him so much wisdom and knowledge in how to best fix Victoria’s heart. And, finally, we pray that God gives Victoria such strength through this entire process. We pray that her heart is strong and her body remains stable.

We pray all of this, but above all … we pray for God’s will. We don’t know His thoughts or ways, but we pray that He will help us to understand all that He is doing in our lives.

May many people be touched by this little angel … Victoria Jayne.

PS - You'll see photos in this entry of our parents and us with Victoria right before she was taken to surgery. It was a very emotional time for us.