What I Thought I Wanted

When Victoria was born, I was so overwhelmed at the thought of raising a child with special needs. I was worried about whether she would be able to read, write or even speak in a way that I could understand. I wondered how I would cope with these possible challenges. I had no idea that in a short time my little baby would be hooked up to so many tubes, wires and machines. I couldn't have begun to imagine how my feelings would change.

You see ... through this entire situation, God has taken away any fear of raising a child with Down Syndrome. He has helped me to realize that I couldn't care less if Victoria can ever write, read or even say "Ma Ma." I just pray that God allows me the privilege to share life with her for a long time. I will feel so blessed if I can spend every day just "being" with her. Loving on her. Taking care of her.

She is a gift. She is a joy.

My heart longs to hold her these days as I see her lying so quietly in her Plexiglas home. I wish so badly that I could pick her up and hug her. I know I cannot because of the wires and tubes. It will be a glorious day when I can lift her up in my arms and kiss her face without the interference of tape and a ventilator. I look forward to those days in faith.

I thought I wanted a "perfect" and "normal" child, but what I didn't realize was that in 7 weeks of her birth, what I would really want was a little Down Syndrome baby with a heart defect and thyroid dysfunction named ...

Victoria Jayne.