Chubby Cheeks

When Victoria was born, probably the most visible sign of Down Syndrome, to me, was her thick neck and chubby cheeks. She didn’t have a “normal” slim neck like most babies. I have to admit that her looks bothered me. My other two girls were relatively “pretty” (or so everyone said) when they were born and Victoria definitely looked “different” to me.

I remember the hospital photographer coming into our hospital room on the third day of our stay at Women And Children’s Hospital asking if we would like a picture taken of Victoria. I always told Mark during my pregnancy that I never wanted us to treat this baby any different than our other girls. I planned on us having her photo taken in the hospital and I also wanted to purchase a “baby plan” with our regular photographer to document her first year of life like we did with Elyssa and Natalie. I wanted her to know that we were proud of how she looked and who she was. But, as I sat in the hospital room still stunned about her having Downs and feeling in shock about her looks, I questioned if I’d want those hospital pictures after all.

We, of course, agreed to have the photos taken and Mark and I both thought they turned out horrible. (I’ve attached her hospital photo for you to see it.) From the proof we couldn’t tell a whole lot, but we knew that was as good as it would get with the amateur quality of the picture and photographer. We decided to purchase a package and were totally dissatisfied with the pictures once we saw them in full size. I remember crying when I saw the pictures. I could barely look at them.

We debated giving the pictures to family once we got home and spent more time looking at them. We eventually took a picture of Victoria with our own camera and sent that out with our announcements. We thought we did a much better job of getting her photo than the hospital photographer.

As I look at Victoria now, I see a beautiful child. As I fed her today and held her over my shoulder to burp her, I couldn’t help but snuggle up to her chubby cheek. The cheeks that I once could barely look at, I now love. I receive comfort as I feel my skin next to hers. I feel ashamed that at her birth I didn’t initially feel love for her and judged her by her looks and disability. My prayer for her is that as she grows up, people will take time to know her. I want them to see what a sweet and beautiful girl she is in the inside and get past what they see on the outside. There is a lot to love in this special gift. May others not make the mistake I made and judge too quickly what life will be like with her.

I think as she grows, I will always love snuggling and kissing on her chubby cheeks. I think God gave her those cheeks to remind me that no matter how “ugly” and “unattractive” I look in my sin, He still wants to snuggle His face against mine and let me know He loves me no matter what, too.

Thank You, Lord, for chubby cheeks!