Monday, August 31, 2009
Today Victoria met with one of her therapists, a "special instructor", to be accurate with her title. Her special instructor teaches Victoria and me sign language that will help facilitate Victoria's speech that will come later on. Her instructor comes every 2 weeks to our home. She will usually ask me how much Victoria is babbling. Victoria does babble, but it comes and goes depending on how much she is stimulated by her environment. As a busy mom it is hard for me to sit directly in front of her all day and "talk" to her. So, I just do the best I can in everyday life and pray that God uses it all to help her along.
I asked her special instructor today when down syndrome babies usually start to say words. I kinda wondered when she might say, "Mamma" or "Daddy." I wasn't quite prepared for the answer she gave me. She told me that it is normally around 3 or 4 years of age. I was shocked and I felt my heart sink. To think I might not be able to hear Victoria say my name for several more years just tore my heart up. Can you imagine?
I have been grieving tonight, to say the least. Grieving and praying. I knew the road of having a special-needs child would be filled with joy and grief, so these feelings are not new to me. I've had a little of both through this journey.
I guess my grief reminds me that I'm human. It reminds me that the success of Victoria's future isn't all up to me. Her life and future are held in the hands of her heavenly Father, God. In moments when I want to cry (and, I have done some of that today), I have to, again, surrender and say, "God, I cannot do this alone. My emotions need to be held secure in Your hands. When my mind cannot wrap itself around what I don't understand, keep me sane. When I think my sweet little girl should be able to do things that others say might not be possible, help me continue to have faith in the One who created her."
If you are in a place of "not understanding" what is happening in your life, just hold on! Hold on with me to the most secure person in the universe ... God! Hold on to a wonderful verse that I cling to so often in my walk of faith:
"You have seen me tossing and turning through the night. You have collected all my tears and preserved them in your bottle! You have recorded every one in your book. The very day I call for help, the tide of battle turns. My enemies flee! This one thing I know: God is for me!" Psalm 56:8,9
Even if Victoria doesn't "talk" to me for several more years, I will still cherish her. I will cherish her smile, her glowing eyes that say so much in themselves alone, her hugs, her open-mouth, slobbery kisses and her little grunts that try to tell me things that I may not understand. God, help me to cherish every moment and to learn that in the times that I might have to cry ... You catch those tears in your bottle and know every one!