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Monday, August 4, 2008

Am I For Real?

Recently, I was asked an interesting question. The inquiry came from a friend of a friend. The question was, "Are you for real?" I thought that to be an odd question at first. After all, I feel like I've bore my heart and soul out in my blogs. This question happened to come from another mother of a Down Syndrome girl older than my own. I guess she may have thought I had dealt with Victoria and her "issues" better than she expected I would. I was a little surprised to know that someone actually thought I had done well emotionally through the past few months when, at times, I felt like I was falling apart.

I openly admit that I have cried more and harder in the past few months than I think I have in my entire life. I openly admit that my brain has been on major overload more than I thought I could handle. I have seen the verge of insanity and I think in my heart that the Lord kept me from falling over the edge.

Nothing is harder than feeling out of control. That is exactly where my life has been. Even last night after going to church for a morning AND night service for the first time with Victoria, I felt majorly stressed out last night. And, after having a very stressful day, I was only to be awakened three or four times during the night by a screaming 1 1/2-year-old who couldn't find her pacifiers in her bed (Okay ... I really don't know what is worse ... a child who sucks fingers or one who is addicted to pacifiers!).

Life is really trying at times right now with three young girls. I just know that I pray a lot and ask God to help me bear through it. I've learned that God isn't just there during the "bright spots" in our life, but He's there during the most difficult times. As times are challenging in the day-to-day living, I have to think back on all the Lord has done for us in the past few months. I have to say, "Okay, Lord. If you can save my child from death, surely You can keep me sane each day with the pressures I encounter." I have to trust that God will give me what I need when I need it.

I'm thankful for a Father who holds me in His hand and reminds me that He loves me. He reminds me that He has me exactly where He wants me ... caring for my beautiful gifts from Him. What a privilege that He thought I could handle all He has placed on my plate. I just take each day as it comes and praise Him for helping me through it. I know eventually, as my girls grow, that things will get easier in some ways and harder in others. It's a cycle that continues. But, I'm sure as they grow, I'll think back to these days and almost wish they were here again!

4 comments:

Payne Family said...

Hi Heather, you don't know me, but I have loved reading about you and your family. I used to live in Mobile (my husband was one of the ministers at Dayspring), we just moved a couple of months ago. Anyways, I couldn't help comment on the paci situation. My youngest LOVED her pacifers and to keep her from losing it in the bed, we would use the pacifer holders that you clip on to their clothes, and clip them on to the tags of a few stuffed animals. The animal was easier to find than the pacifers. We had 4 pacifers attached to 4 animals. Hope that this can help you.
Robin

vikki said...

Hello Heather,
Daniel is 3 and still sucks his 2 fingers ( he has sores on them!) Rachel is 5 and still sucks her thumb! We have tried everything, from hot sauce to tape and nothing seems to work! Ronald and I often say " oh how we wish they would have liked the pacifiers that we tried to stuff in their mouths!" Thank God, Anna doesn't have a habit ( maybe it's because she nursed until she was 14 months). We are praying for your precious family!
Vikki

David Simpson said...

Annette here...

I can't tell you how many times I have recited that to myself lately...."I'm gonna miss this, I'm gonna miss this, I'm gonna miss this."

The pacifier...I bought a pacifier clip and removed the clip and attached the rope to a child proof safety pin....and pin it to their clothes at bedtime. I started doing this a few months ago and since then, I have not had to go in either room (Chloe or Caleb) at all. Changed my life.

Travis, Jan, Preston, Lyndsey and Lydia Scoper said...

You are My Hero!!!!!