As Mark and I stood backstage with Victoria, my heart pounded and my hands shook. The stage I’d sung on for more than 10 years was frightening to me all of a sudden. It was because I knew I’d cry when I walked out and saw my sweet church family looking back at me and Mark. I knew I’d see faces of love and heartache, fear and faith … the same things that people saw when looking up at me up on that stage. I knew I’d be overcome and cry. I did. And, that’s okay
Our pastor prayed the sweetest prayer for Victoria. All of the pastors on staff at our church gathered around us to pray for her and for us. They all lifted us up to the throne of our Almighty God asking for His will in Victoria’s life. They prayed for healing in her heart and for the Lord to guide the hands of the surgeons while operating on her tiny body. Our pastor prayed for Mark and me knowing that letting Victoria go back for surgery would be so hard. It was such a sweet time with my church family, even though it was brief. After our time of prayer, I immediately left and brought Victoria back home.
As I drove home I wondered, what will the next few weeks be like? I envisioned what it might be like to see baby Victoria on a little hospital bed with tubes and gadgets hooked up to her before her surgery begins. My mind even thought about what her little body would go through during the surgery. Her now perfect little chest would be cut open, her sternum cut apart to reveal her tiny imperfect heart; a heart that is working so hard right now to help her just eat and sleep. I know she needs the surgery, but it’s still hard to think about what she will go through to get healthy.
And, then, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t feel fear about the “what if’s.” “What if” something goes wrong during the surgery? “What if” she doesn’t make it? I can’t imagine how I’d handle that. I know it’s been told to me that this is a “routine” surgery at UAB, but we all know that there are always risks with any kind of surgery … especially, open-heart surgery.
I wondered what she will look like after surgery. It will be equally hard to see her afterwards because my heart will ache that she has endured so much. After all, her mom and dad drove her to the hospital that would inflict so much pain on her body. But, we know that it’s for her good. We know that with this repair she will be much better.
I, again, learn something from my little one's life. God reminds me simply, that what seems so painful to me in this moment is for my good. The repair I need in my life and heart is being done and He is healing what I didn’t even know was broken. After this is all over, I’ll be much better, too.
No matter what happens in the next two weeks or the rest of my life … blessed be the name of the Lord!