Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I drove home yesterday afternoon to visit Elyssa and Natalie. It was about a 3 1/2 hour drive from Birmingham. Mark really had to convince me to leave, but I knew that I needed to see my other girls. I didn't realize how much I had missed them until I saw them.
First, there was Elyssa, my eldest. When I walked in the door, I heard my dad say, "Who's here? Who is it?" I couldn't see Elyssa at first because she was standing on the other side of the island in the kitchen. Then I could hear her little feet shuffling toward me. Then I saw her. She had this look of amazement on her face; like she couldn't believe it was really me. Her eyes were so bright and she had the cutest smile on her face. She just kept saying, "Mommy, mommy, mommy...," as she ran to me. I picked her up and hugged her so tight. We didn't let go of each other for a long time. And, yes ... I was sobbing. It was a "shoulder-shrug" cry. I told her how much I had missed her and how much I loved her. I tried to explain to her that Mama had been with Victoria in the hospital and that she is still really sick. I told her that I hope Victoria gets well really soon so she can come home and live with us again.
Natalie wasn't at the house when I initially got home. My mom had taken her to the doctor for cold symptoms. They arrived home around 7:40pm. When my mom and Natalie came in the door, Natalie looked pitiful. Her eyes looked "sick." I hugged her up and she actually reached for my mom again! I totally understand her doing that. She's only 16 months old and my mom has been there for her while she has been sick lately. My feelings were not hurt because I knew that she'd warm up to me soon. Actually, within about 10 minutes she was fine and jabbering about who-knows-what to me.
Today I'll be enjoying time with my girls and I'll either leave this afternoon or tomorrow morning to head back to Birmingham. I have already played outside with the girls and sang and played on the keyboard with Elyssa. We are having a great time!
My heart feels torn at times. I want to be here with my girls, but I also want to be with Victoria. I dread leaving Elyssa. I know it will be harder on her than Natalie. I've noticed today that if I walk off to do something, Elyssa will run toward me asking what I'm doing or where I'm going. She has a look of fear in her eyes like I'm going to leave her again. It makes me feel sad that she is dealing with that anxiety. I will just pray extra hard for her. I'll pray that God comforts her in an unexplainable way when I have to leave for UAB.
I didn't bring the camera with me, so the pictures you see are not recent of the girls. But, I couldn't help but put their faces up on the blog today. They are my heart!